The effects of Aliyah on children:

Helping kids cope and adjust to the changes.
 

Making Aliyah is a complex process but it can also be a very rewarding and satisfying experience. Adjusting to life in Israel is often stressful and families frequently face many challenges. Parents with positive feelings about Aliyah and who are secure about their reasons for being here will make a better adjustment to life in Israel.

This is most likely a confusing time for your children, and while life in Israel is highly unpredictable, home needs to be a predictable place where children feel loved, safe, and secure. Typically, teenagers and school-age children are most concerned with fitting in, being liked and having friends. In addition, they may be worried about understanding what is going on, and struggle with the language barriers, behavior codes and cultural differences. 

Although children adapt rapidly to almost any situation, they deal with the changes differently than their parents. Children experience stress just as adults do but it often goes unrecognized. Most parents, however, have the necessary skills to deal with their child's stress and help them feel better about themselves.

Signs and symptoms of stress in children

Typically, signs of stress appear a few months following the move. Stress is often experienced as an overt physical reaction such as crying, headaches and stomach aches, changes in sleep and eating patterns, trouble concentrating, bedwetting, nail biting, and regressive behaviors. Other behavioral changes may include irritability, anger, restlessness, withdrawal, mood swings, acting out, fearfulness, clinginess, and attention-seeking behaviors. 
 

Ways to help children cope

1. Provide support and reassurance. Hug them, let them know how much you love them and understand they are going through a difficult time. Having a warm and supportive relationship with a parent is one of the best predictors of how well children will cope during childhood and later into adulthood.
2. Be available. Listen, and listen without judging. Ask questions about how they feel (preferably open ended questions) and be there when they need to talk. Being open and honest promotes good communication and helps them feel comfortable expressing their feelings.
3. Build your children's self-esteem. Praise them for their accomplishments and efforts. Let them know you are proud of them and help them gain confidence in handling problems by giving them responsibilities and letting them make decisions. Teach them how to be assertive and stand up for themselves.
4. Be consistent and set clear limits. Children need predictability in their lives. Providing a consistent routine of meal times, bed time, homework time, after school activities, etc., allows them to know what to expect and provides them with a sense of security.
5. Set an example. Model appropriate coping skills. Children learn from their parents' behavior and when they see their parents handling stress in a calm and effective manner, they are more likely to use appropriate coping skills when facing difficulties. Parents who deal inappropriately with anger and frustration will transmit anxiety and disorganization to their children.
6. Teach your children positive thinking. Our beliefs about a situation have a major impact on our behavior. Much of our stress is caused by our mental attitude and our perceptions. Teach your children to reframe a stressful situation by developing alternative and positive interpretations of the situation. This can help children feel more in control about the way things affect them.
7. Use humor. Help your children see the funny side of things. Laughter is a great way to release stress.
8. Proper nutrition, rest, and exercise. These are all very important in combating stress and reenergize. Also encourage your children to participate in enjoyable activities and teach them relaxation techniques.
9. Allow your children to go at their own paces. Each child will react differently to the changes. Kids may feel helpless and more vulnerable in the midst of making Aliyah. Be patient and allow them to find their way by giving them a chance for some control and decision power. And remember, life is full of struggles and children learn how to cope only by experiencing life fully with all it has to offer.
10. Seek professional help. If things don't improve and you still feel overwhelmed during this major transition period, professional counseling and support can address specific issues during the adjustment stages.